Because grief is a process, not an event
In our ongoing series exploring children’s grief, we’re privileged to share insights from experienced professionals who work closely with grieving children and families. Today, we’re featuring an interview with Dr. Crystal Russell, a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Georgia, South Carolina, in the United States.
What struck me most about this conversation is how Dr. Crystal brings both professional expertise and personal experience with loss to her work. That combination gives her a depth of understanding that is both compassionate and incredibly practical. She offers children’s grief counseling online — via messaging, phone and video — which means her support is accessible to families far and wide, including here in Australia.
I think you’ll find her words both reassuring and grounding. Now, let’s hear from Dr. Crystal.
About Dr. Crystal Russell
Dr. Crystal Russell is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor licensed in both Georgia and South Carolina. With 28 years of experience in the mental health profession, she specialises in children’s grief counseling and has worked with a diverse population including children, adolescents, families, adults and geriatric clients.
Dr. Crystal’s counseling style is warm, engaging and interactive. She believes in treating everyone with respect, compassion and without judgment, tailoring her approach to meet each person’s specific needs. Her services are available online via messaging, live chat, phone and video — making her support accessible to families wherever they are.
Grief Is More Than We Think
There’s no better place to start than the beginning — so that’s exactly where I asked Dr. Crystal to take us.
What is one thing you wish people knew about grief that isn’t commonly understood?
“Grief is a process. People need to understand what grief really is. It’s not just losing a loved one – it could be loss of a job, loss of pets, loss of anything you value. Any type of loss can trigger grief.
I think understanding that there are different stages of the grief process is crucial, because it’s not something that’s going to go away overnight. It’s not something where you just ‘get over it’ or where it’s ‘going to be okay’ in the way people often say. It’s a process that one must navigate through the different stages of grief.”
A New Reality
This idea of grief as a process rather than a single event is so important — and something I don’t think we hear enough. I asked Dr. Crystal to expand on what that really means for families navigating children’s grief counseling.
Can you tell us more about grief being a process rather than an event?
“Absolutely. When we experience loss, grieving marks the beginning of adjusting to a new reality. This is something parents and caregivers need to understand – you’re not trying to get back to how things were before. You’re learning to live in a different reality, and that takes time and intentional navigation through the stages.”
How Children Experience Grief
With 28 years in children’s grief counseling, Dr. Crystal has a unique window into how children process loss differently from adults. Her insight here is both gentle and important.
How do you see children experience grief differently, and what do they need to understand?
“First of all, everyone experiences grief differently. My experience may be different from the next person’s experience. When working with children, they experience grief too, and I think one of the most important things they need to understand is that they are not alone.
As a parent and caregiver, you have to understand that grieving marks the beginning of adjusting to a new reality. Children need to know this isn’t something they have to face by themselves.”
Explaining Loss to Young Children
One of the most common questions I hear from parents is simply: how do I even begin to explain this? Dr. Crystal’s approach to children’s grief counseling offers some beautifully practical answers.
What approaches have you found helpful when explaining loss to young children?
“Several key approaches work well:
First, allowing them to express their emotions – this is crucial. Number two, having support groups where they can come in and just process their feelings. And third, teaching them coping strategies and helping them connect to the positive memories they have of their lost loved ones. Being able to use those memories as a coping strategy can be very beneficial for their healing process.”
Honoring Loved Ones
Something that comes up again and again in children’s grief counseling is the importance of memory — keeping it alive, making it tangible, letting children hold onto it. I loved what Dr. Crystal shared here.
What are some meaningful ways you’ve seen children honor their loved ones’ memories?
“There are many beautiful ways children can remember their loved ones. Some of the approaches I’ve seen work well include drawing pictures of their loved one – this gives them a creative outlet to express their connection. Creating memory collages and talking about positive experiences with their loved ones is also powerful.
One approach I often use is memory sharing – asking a child to tell me three positive things about their loved one, or having them share positive memories. Maybe during holidays like Christmas, families might have an empty seat there in memory of their loved one.
The important thing to remember is that there’s really no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s about finding ways to honor the memory while processing the pain, and helping children know they can still find positivity and hold onto beautiful memories of their loss.”
The Power of Creative Expression
As someone who has written books to help children process grief, this part of our conversation resonated with me deeply. Dr. Crystal beautifully captures why creative expression is such a vital part of children’s grief counseling.
How does creative expression help children who struggle to talk about their feelings?
“Creative expression is incredibly important because if children don’t express their emotions, they tend to internalize them. When emotions get internalized, they tend to manifest in other disruptive behaviors.
But if you’re talking about it, processing it, and expressing it – even in creative ways with young people – it provides a healthy outlet. I think mostly, though, it’s about listening. When adults – parents, teachers, friends, people around them – are just listening and being present in the grief experience, that’s one of the top things that is helpful.”
Warning Signs to Watch For
Knowing when a child needs extra support is one of the most important things a parent or teacher can do. I asked Dr. Crystal to walk us through what to look for — and her answer is something every parent and educator should read.
What warning signs should parents watch for that might suggest a child needs additional help?
“There are several key indicators to watch for:
Emotional signs include persistent sadness, feelings of hopelessness, and what I call blank facial expressions – not necessarily sad, but just emotionally flat, where they don’t show much emotion at all.
Cognitive changes often show up as difficulty concentrating and making decisions. You might also notice appetite changes – they might eat more or eat less, because sometimes we eat our emotions.
Sleep patterns are important to monitor – insomnia, having a difficult time sleeping at night, or sleeping too much.
Social withdrawal is another key sign – when young people begin to withdraw from social interactions, don’t want to hang out with their friends, and just want to isolate themselves.
And loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed – maybe a child who loved to play or participate in activities now doesn’t want to engage.
Finally, watch for physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches when there’s no medical cause for these complaints.”
When to Seek Children’s Grief Counseling and Professional Help
This is a question that comes up so often — and one that children’s grief counseling professionals like Dr. Crystal are uniquely placed to answer.
How can parents distinguish between normal grief and when professional help is needed?
“The key indicator is that grief is a process, but it’s not a process where symptoms should last for an excessively long time. If you have a child who’s showing these negative symptoms consistently, and you see no progress over time, and it’s becoming a consistent pattern – that’s when you need to look at additional professional help.
I recommend consulting with other adults who surround that child to see if this is the same behavior across different environments. Then reach out to parents to understand what’s happening at home. You want to see if the child can navigate through the process naturally, and if not, that’s when professional support becomes important.”
Navigating Milestones and Anniversaries
Those first holidays and anniversaries after a loss can feel impossibly hard. I asked Dr. Crystal how families can prepare for and navigate these milestone moments — something children’s grief counseling addresses so often.
How can families navigate those first difficult milestones – holidays, anniversaries – after a loss?
“Those first holidays and anniversaries are going to be challenging, and it’s important to acknowledge that upfront.
If grief has a profound impact on your family, I think it’s critically important to seek professional help for the entire family – not just one person. When you’re dealing with so many different emotions and everyone is having different emotional responses, you need to make sure you’re addressing whatever emotions are present – the triggers, the pain, the various feelings that come up.
I highly recommend support groups. Those intense emotions will start to fade over time, but I think you have to really get in there and talk about it, not just internalize it.”
Creating New Traditions
Following on from that, I asked Dr. Crystal about specific ways families can honour their loved ones during these significant times.
Are there specific ways families can honor their loved ones during these milestone times?
“Creating new traditions can be healing. As I mentioned, some families find comfort in having an empty chair at Christmas dinner in memory of their loved one. The key is giving the grieving process time and getting professional help to validate your feelings and work through the emotional aspects.
Understanding that you have to work through the stages of grief – that’s the biggest thing. Learning appropriate ways to manage emotions appropriately. Over time, you become stronger. You don’t forget the loss, but you learn to live with a new reality, a different reality.”
Looking After Yourself Too
Something I come back to again and again in this series — because it matters so much — is the importance of parents caring for themselves first. Dr. Crystal couldn’t agree more.
How should parents take care of themselves while supporting their grieving children?
“This is absolutely crucial. In order to be supportive with your children who are experiencing grief, you have to make sure you are taking care of yourself first.
You need to monitor your appetite, your sleep patterns, and create quiet time for meditation and reflection. You have to draw your strength from a higher power in order to be a whole person, a healthy person for your family. You have to make sure you’re okay, because if you’re not okay and you’re not in a healthy state, how are you going to be able to provide the support your children need?”
The Spiritual Component
Dr. Crystal speaks openly about faith as part of her approach to children’s grief counseling — and I appreciate her honesty and authenticity in sharing this perspective so freely.
Can you speak to the spiritual component you mentioned?
“There is definitely a spiritual component to grief and loss. From my Christian perspective, I believe that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. When working with children, they don’t always understand what happens when someone dies – they see the person being taken away, but they don’t understand that their spirit is going to a happy place.
It’s important to break this down for children in age-appropriate ways and help them understand that their loved one is in a peaceful place. For those who have faith, this provides a framework for understanding life and death as inevitable experiences we all will face, but also provides hope for reunion.”
For Families Without a Faith Perspective
I appreciated that I could ask Dr. Crystal about this directly — and her honesty here is something I think many families will find helpful, whatever their belief.
How does this play out for families who don’t share this faith perspective?
“In my experience, it has been more challenging for individuals who don’t practice connection with a higher power. I’ve worked with individuals without this spiritual framework, and it can make the grief process extremely difficult.
However, over time, I have seen that while they don’t forget the loss, they do learn how to adapt and live without their loved one. I’ve noticed it’s easier for people to understand and cope when they have some type of spiritual connection or belief in something greater than themselves.”
Final Words for Families About Children’s Grief Counseling
As we closed our conversation, I asked Dr. Crystal for her final thoughts for families navigating children’s grief counseling and the long journey of loss.
What final words would you like to leave with families navigating grief?
“I would say that there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. There’s no exact timetable.
Getting through grief and pain can be extremely difficult, but learning how to cope with grief and the loss process helps with adapting to the new reality. The pain doesn’t have to consume you forever.
Remember that grief is a natural process. When we don’t look at it as a natural process, that’s when it becomes complicated grief. So it’s important to understand the various stages and what to expect during each phase, and to understand the emotional changes that occur in each stage.
Most importantly, you are not alone in this process. There are people, professionals, and support systems available to help you and your family navigate this difficult journey.”
About Children’s Grief Counseling with Dr. Crystal Russell
Licensed grief counselors like Dr. Crystal Russell specialise in understanding the complex emotional and psychological aspects of loss. With 28 years of experience in children’s grief counseling, she can help families distinguish between normal grief responses and more complicated grief that requires professional intervention.
As Dr. Crystal emphasises, much of children’s grief counseling involves education — helping families understand that grief is a natural process that takes time, and providing practical tools for navigating the various stages while building healthy coping strategies.
If you’re considering children’s grief counseling during your family’s journey, expect both individual and family support, helping each person process their unique grief experience while maintaining family unity and health. Dr. Crystal offers her services online — via messaging, live chat, phone and video — making her accessible to families across the US and beyond.
Children’s grief counseling can feel like unfamiliar territory for many families — but as Dr. Crystal so warmly reminds us, you are never alone in this journey. We hope this conversation has given you both comfort and clarity as you support the children in your care.
This is part of our ongoing children’s grief expert series. In our next interview, we continue exploring children’s grief with another wonderful professional, bringing yet another unique perspective to this deeply important topic. We’d love for you to join us.
Books to Help Start the Conversation
Sometimes the right book can open a conversation that words alone cannot:
I Can’t Believe They’re Gone — endorsed by psychologists, counsellors, healthcare professionals, and Di McKissock, (founder of the National Centre for Childhood Grief)
Karen’s children’s books — ‘I Can’t Believe They’re Gone’ and ‘The Tale of the Little Black Cloud’ — have been endorsed by psychologists and healthcare professionals as gentle tools to support grieving children. ‘Angie Loves to Dance’ is also well loved by readers around the world. All three books have been translated into multiple languages.
I Can’t Believe They’re Gone — Amazon | karenbrough.com
The Tale of the Little Black Cloud — Amazon | karenbrough.com
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