A checklist for Ultimate friendship and a reality check.

This has been a blog loooooong in the living and still being processed out…. A LOT of ideas, frustrations and hurts….coming to a brilliant place of open fields and hope within it all.
(Disclaimer: Can I firstly articulate that I do have some beautiful friends who walk with me in life-giving ways and I am soooooo thankful for them.)

BUT……It has become quite evident to me that there is a SEVERE issue in the way we live in relationship with one another in our western culture today, but more about that later.

This past fortnight has had another of our precious family friends pass away.

Jack was a man with many faults but man oh man, did he have a beautiful heart. I can remember during a particularly hard season, when our family had next to nothing in the pantry and these precious people dropped around baskets of food. They helped my parents, coming across cheap cars that needed fixing – and Dad would fix them up to provide for our family. They called, dropped in and generally loved us in very rich ways.

They  were friends who were investing in us over the long haul…. even when they had no idea about faith or God, but they did understand what it was to be a true friend….generous, present and loving. Being Dutch, the hospitality and food (oh my goodness the food!!) came in waves.….tidal waves which lasted all day long. lol.

In their home during a visit, I remember going for lunch and being there long after the stars were out and mosquitoes were biting. We talked, laughed, played and actually became community. They are friends that I am still so thankful for. For who they are/were and what they did for us in the tough times. Obviously we have also been there for them in their tough times and you can ask them if what we invested impacted…but after travelling with them my entire 44 years – we are still friends (so I’m thinking that what we bring to each other is something worthwhile and rich). The culture of that time understood the benefit of walking with others. What we experienced with Jack and his family was commonplace for us at that time. It was good. It was healthy and it was more aligned with what I believe God would have for us in our community today.

Unfortunately, (I’m sure that you’ve walked through this yourself) life is so fast paced and task oriented that the celebrations or joys seem few and far between. Is it any wonder that mental illness is at an all time high, addictions, the need for “escapes” because real life is so ….well…..real! Television, technology is central to life and pours in more (as a general rule) negativity and joyless investment into our homes, heads and hearts.

These are just some of the things I have seen and have significant concerns about – I wonder if any of you can relate or feel these things for yourself. These might be things you’ve experienced or have thought yourself. A brief list of the lacks….but hang in there – God has some hope within all of this…

• There is never enough time.
• Friendships feel stilted as relationships are brought to the bare minimum through Facebook, messenger, sms and the occasional phone call or very occasional catchup.
• Trying to manage hundreds of faux or surface friendships is emotionally sapping and empty. The depth is just unable to be there.
• You know that in a tough time you have people you could call……but it seems that the true ideal of community is hard to see in daily life.
• The kids have loads of commitments and so do we, and that has to be the priority. It absorbs weekends, holidays and you’re just hanging out for the next break or when this all ends, to try to catch up and process things.
• Your phone rarely leaves the end of your hand….it has become an extension of yourself.
• You leave conversations having just talked about yourself, never asking questions of others and their lives, because you’re all full up.
• During conversations you find that your ability to be present in the moment is challenging – there are just so many things that you have to do.
• There is a lack of people who are willing to listen, let alone listen to “hear” you.
• It feels as though others who do listen are listening to respond, rather than actually “hearing” you…..
• Conversations are less about a mix of listening and speaking, but more monologues and judgements, loud voices of opinions – rather than being able to be open to learn and be challenged.
• Heavy bombs are being dropped all around and in your life, but there’s no time to let these land. You just have to keep running the gauntlet, dodging as many of them as possible. Trying not to engage with them.
• You have a pressure to keep pushing through…..despite what comes.
• The famous Dory line “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” is the song that runs in the background.
• Any time not taken up by work hours is spent online, numbing out, distracting ourselves, filling up with stuff.
• Ever running from commitment to commitment.
• Spontaneity is a rarity.
• Contact made with others is often task oriented or need based.
• You can’t remember the last time you sent someone a message that weren’t because you needed something from them.
• Adventure is gone, routine and busyness reign.
• You’d like to be more connected, but you just don’t have the time.

Precious people of the world…..I am CERTAIN that this is NOT how we are meant to be living.

A precious friend read a book recently the talked about the importance of valuing people over things…Great that the author is talking about it, but grievous that we don’t know this already!!!! The fact that this was having to be written in a book to highlight this truth – is beyond saddening to my heart. Is this truly where we have landed????

My hope is that it’s a quick touchdown before setting off in the right direction again.

We have but one life to live and we spend it having so little time for ourselves and other people that we find ourselves alone and isolated – despite being surrounded by people.
I want MORE for us!!!!

So I spent some time asking God about what He wants for relationships in His community – and He reminded me of my relationship with Him (within our sweet place) As you read the list below – dare to ponder how you would feel having friendships that could be described by even some of these elements…..dream…..

My relationship with God is the ultimate friendship for me.

• He never rushes me.
• He always has time.
• He listens to understand my heart (even though He already “gets’ me)
• He loves and celebrates my wiring.
• He enjoys the wins with me and the challenges.
• He is thrilled when I choose to put down technology and other distractions to just hang out together.
• He looks me in the eye giving full attention when I’m speaking.
• He is the ultimate listener and this is healing.
• He doesn’t require anything from me.
• He loves to talk to me about the things on His heart, (when I take the time to ask and listen)
• He shows me things that encourage me, challenge my thinking and draw me up to higher places.
• He reassures me that He is my constant and ever-present one at all times.
• He never lets me down.
• He always exceeds my expectations.
• He never misunderstands or twists my heart.
• He never tries to change me into someone I am not designed to be.
• He accepts me and loves me wholeheartedly as I am.
• He sees me.
• He notices me.
• I have His full attention.
• He tells me how much I am loved and valued by Him.
• He puts his finger on the things that hurt, and heals them.
• He shows me the areas that aren’t the best for me, and walks with me as I release them.
• He desires the BEST for me at all times.
• He is the ultimate upcycler – taking my junk parts and making them into something of worth and value. Something that is not longer rubbish, but a treasure.
• He loves to partner with me in anything that comes to mind. He loves it when I bring ideas to Him and get His heart on them.
• He helps to resource me.
• He provides for me.
• Did I mention, He loves to cheer me on! In my dreams and ideas, He loves my childlike heart.
• He loves to watch as I interact in AWE and WONDER at His mighty creation.
• He grins as I rediscover my childlike ways in Him.
• He never judges me or my heart.
• He never rebukes me harshly, but come alongside me and highlights areas where I can have BEST instead.
• He helps me to give grace to others who have hurt me.
• He shows me how He sees others, and that helps me to love them.
• He sees the best in me, despite how I look or feel.
• He is able to manage time and tasks and prioritizes relationship as Number 1.
• He listens intently as I share my disappointments and dreams.
• His enthusiasm about life is contagious.
• He helps me to see the good when all around me is tough.
• He lists me up when I am in the dark holes of life.
• He shows me the next step when I am confused.
• He comes beside me, placing his arm around me and hands me tissues as I weep.
• He brings in the finance when we have needs.
• He gets me through whatever might come.
• The very things that come to attack me, He loves to help me see the opportunities within that challenge.
• He shows me what is funny, even within awful times.
• He is ever present, ever constant, the perfect friend in Him….showing me how I want to be for others.

Lord, You are the ULTIMATE FRIEND to me…..thankyou. xxxxx

Obviously no human being in this day and age can come close to this kind of relationship….BUT….imagine with me if you will, what the world would look like if we chose to walk in a couple of these in our relationships.

Can I encourage us to :
Take the time to do a life audit – you are worth the investment of time and you and other’s will benefit from it.
Bless you in your relationships precious one. You are valued. You are worth the time. You are made for more than what this culture is dishing up. Choose to buy into God’s value system and pace – you’ll never regret it!!!
xxxxx

I’ll leave you with a blessing for friendship right our of the best love story of them all.

 

 
P.S from our youngest…He wanted his joke to go in this weeks blog and I am happy to oblige.
Q. What comes first the chicken or the egg?
A. Obviously the chicken came first, because if the egg came first – Adam and Eve would’ve eaten it for breakfast.

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This has been a blog loooooong in the living and still being processed out…. A LOT of ideas, frustrations and hurts….coming to a brilliant place of open fields and hope within it all.
(Disclaimer: Can I firstly articulate that I do have some beautiful friends who walk with me in life-giving ways and I am soooooo thankful for them.)