I felt this week to share a very personal testimony, my hope is that encourages you in your own walk – the story begins about 4 years ago when I found myself without direction regarding my health.
After 18 months of working with general practitioners who desperately wanted to help, but were unable to – I felt lost and my hope was waning…..
God had told me countless times that I would be healed, and yet at this stage I barely had any energy and there really seemed to be a lack of next step. I felt hopeless and without direction, emotionally I remember feeling isolated and inkling of depression were nipping at my heels.
That was until, I was placed under the care of an amazing specialist and diagnostic physician called Scotty (He was known as this locally) At 78 he was a specialist across 3 fields of medicine. ..I discovered he was not only a gifted doctor, but was a great man who took the time to listen intensely – he never mocked me, never told me it was all in my head, he graciously listened and took time to hear what was going on. And because of this, he was able to help!
This doctor’s name was given to my local doctor. (God had said to me that she would know the next step.) As I sat down in the wingback chair covered in Nanna rugs and warmth, I felt like I was on a visit, rather than a doctor’s consultation.
He was grandfatherly and old school in the best possible ways. He listened and after many, many, many tests came up with a diagnosis for me. Praise God!!
Problem was, the answer was found in things that I was already doing. Drinking loads of water and eating copious amounts of salt.
What was I to do now?
I researched up a storm…and he kindly listened and responded to each of the symptoms, ideas and research I brought to him. One of these things was a medication that enabled my body to hold on to the salt levels for longer and maintain a better level of blood volume.
He didn’t say much at the time, but suggested that it probably wasn’t the thing for me. He said that in his experience, there had been some ill effects with people who had my collection of diagnosis’ – trusting his word, I let it go.
Fast forward 4 years to this past month.
My beautiful alternative gp suggested to me to test a new medication, as her family member had resumed normal life on it………excitement began to stir within me, at the thought that the healing journey might have ended!!!
Unfortunately, it turns out that it is the very medication that Scotty had warned me against all those years prior. ARGH!!!!….that feeling of being confused and torn.
I had multiple dreams about getting in touch with Scotty (even though he was retired) and asking him what his concerns were with the medication. That was a month ago.
It was yesterday that a stunning friend and mentor informed me that Scotty had died, upon looking further into this – I discovered it had happened a month ago.
The fullness of emotion I felt. The inevitable passing of such a great man, I felt as if I had lost not only a great doctor, but a friend as well.
The only traditional doctor who had been able to provide answers and care was now gone.
The only person in the traditional medical field that seemed to know anything…and I wasn’t able to ask the very thing I needed to know answers about.
I had become dependant upon him, in a sense, to bounce ideas and get reassurance from.
I woke this morning knowing that I needed to get God’s perspective about it – because humanly – this had the potential to send me into a fear downward spiral.
This is some of what He encouraged me with….
He said “Ask me for a picture of what your heart looks like?”
So I asked…..I saw a weary heart that looked like it was running a marathon. Sweat beads, eyes exhausted (yes, my heart had eyes.) chest panting…..A heart that had been racing around so fast, it had no time to rest.
Seeing this picture, I stopped and became aware of His presence. His wonderful presence…..
I became more aware of Him than my predicament.
“My child……come rest with me…it’s from this place that the worlds problems become small and I become BIG.
Will you trust me?
Will you trust me with what you are burdened with?
Will you trust me with your upset today?
Will you trust me with every thought that races in to try to knock you off your path?
I see that you have been running a good race, but you forgot your need to rest amidst it all.
It’s from the rest that I will make the next step clear to you, shining a light upon it and cheering you along the way.
I want you to know, that thing that has happened, I’m not worried about it.
I’m not stressed or concerned.
I care, because I love you……but I’m not worried, not one bit.
Your healing is not the answer to life’s problems.
Learning how to walk with me, brings more answers than you’ll ever need for the world problems that come across your path.
Take a moment, in this moment my beloved.
Feel my presence.
Know my great love for you.
Let your physical body release the what if’s to me, and take upon itself a new rhythm. A fresh rhythm of life. A beat to the tune of peace and rest.
You know I’m not talking about sleep alone, but a posture of rest.
If you abide in this place, I promise you will walk with great peace and awareness of me in life.
Isn’t this bigger than healing! Isn’t this better than life!
I have brought doctors and people along your path at the exact moment you needed them.
Will you trust me again in this part of the story, once again.
I long to prove myself once again, trustworthy in all circumstance.”
After He said this, I couldn’t help but feel peaceful about whatever comes.
I want to be open to full healing but don’t want that to be the only thing I chase. I want to seek greater things that just healing. I do want MORE than that….and when the healing comes (and it will) it will be a joyous time and a thank filled time. For the One who said it would happen is trustworthy and true!
He is the very One I want to know better than anything in life.
I will not be shaken by circumstances that come along to take me off my journey, to distract me from the peace filled path I have been on.
I will trust the Lord Almighty for He alone, is the One, who knows all, sees all and yet loves me personally.
I will not depart from His ways or His promptings.
My body with flourish because He has said so.
My heart will remain steady and joyful, because He has given me that in abundance.
I will praise Him despite what comes.
I will remain in good soil and produce abundant fruit because of who He is, not what I am battling.
What I feel now in this moment, is just that….a moment in time. It is not my identity. It is not the future. And it most certainly is not who I am as God sees me.
Thankyou Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit for every gift you bring in whatever form.
Help me to remain soft in order that I might sense your leading,
remain open to new experiences and opportunities in You
remain like a wide open space, rather than a closed up bitter one.
Thank you for every encouragement you bring my way, in whatever form it comes.
I embrace them all Lord.
And as one last request, keep the hunger for more of you ever-growing within me Lord..because your love is better than life*
* song Hillsong….https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpKLNjBSBAk)