You spend years pouring your heart into an extension of your most vulnerable self, finally putting it into book form – then you release it into the world, like pushing a young chick out of its nest.
“Please don’t fall. Please don’t crash. Spread your wings, little one – and fly!” A silent prayer goes up as your book is launched.
“Will it soar? Will it ride the currents with ease? Will my readers connect with my heart in this new offering?”
So that we – as writers, might know that all the time, energy, and heart invested in this collection of pages bound up in a neat little package. Well… that the expression of our hearts meant something… anything to someone out there.
That it wasn’t all a waste.
Positive reviews start coming in, one by one, like finding Easter Eggs in a hunt – there’s a red one, there’s caramel one, there’s my favorite Humpty Dumpty Egg with smarties inside! Hooray, it feels great to read the feedback, the variance of views, responses, and humbling affirmations of our heart.
Like a proud parent, you stride the pavement knowing that something you created actually connected with another human being – and that feels pretty darn great. Doesn’t it!
To know that your baby is admired and helping others – it doesn’t get much more fulfilling as a writer.
They ooh and aah over the intricacies of the fingers and toes, the softness of its skin, and that beautiful new baby soap smell that seems to permeate the air. It’s all pure sunshine and delight! Rewarding for the years of painstaking commitment and linguistic impartation.
A new baby is quite the thing to behold, and it seems, everyone is on the same page. (finally!!!)
That is – until they aren’t.
A one or two-star review arrives in the delivery room, and a visitor strides up to your bedside and yells.
“Your baby is ugly!”
Initial shock. You sit there and generally go through the grief stages (see if you recognize any of this in yourself, I know I did!)
- Denial: This can’t be right. I can’t believe someone didn’t like my book. Maybe they just didn’t understand it.
- Anger: Why would they say something like that, everyone else loved it? How could they be so harsh? I poured my heart and soul into this book.
- Bargaining: Maybe I could’ve done something differently to avoid that bad review. Should I have edited more? Chosen a different cover?
- Depressed: It’s like all my hard work was for nothing. Maybe I’m not cut out for this writing thing after all.
- Acceptance: It’s tough, but I need to move on and focus on the readers who do appreciate my work.
I recently released ‘Take a Step with Him Companion Guidebook – Adventuring with God into Fresh Beginnings.’ It was an eight-year writing journey to write the series, and another four years to edit, design, format, and release all six books. This one was the sixth. Amid brain fog, medical and health dramas, raising a young family, and trying not to succumb to those feelings of overwhelmedness, disappointment, as edit after edit ensued – it is finally DONE. My baby is being pushed out of the nest, and it is about as beautiful a baby as I could humanly create.
I did a soft release and began quietly getting some reviews behind the scenes so that when I did formally launch, there were some honest reviews already in place.
It was 9:00 p.m. when I got the news that someone had given it a 2-star rating. It was one of those times where you wish you could unsee something, cause you instinctively know that it’s going to steal from your nighttime retreat and reboot.
I won’t lie – I was shocked.
2 stars – no justification – no reason, no comment (yet).
Have you ever been there? It’s rough, isn’t it?
Negative reviews can (like a dear friend shared with me this week) “Can rip your heart out!”
“Yes….Yes it can.” If only those who were reviewing understood what it took to get this intimate reveal of the inner workings of our hearts, into the world and onto the bedside table or reading nook. If only they knew. If you are reading this and review books, please be honest, have your opinion, your voice matters – but along with that, please be kind.
I began pondering what the redemptive thread of this experience would be.
(Truly, the news in Australia this week has been horrific, and a two-star review is about as small as a first world problem can get.)
But it still stings.
Surely there is a way to gain something good from this (in the words of Alanis Morissette) Jagged, little pill?
Then a brainwave was seen on the horizon and began to build momentum.
“When I’ve received negative reviews in the past, what has been my process?”
I didn’t want this thing to hold me back as they had in the past – stolen days of potential writing gold, as I navigated the emotional hidden reefs of shallow water, those pesky toxic thought sharks, and the continual dumping waves of upset.
I am riding this wave into shore, in the hope that it saves you time, heart, and emotional energy (especially for those fellow introverts out there.) Here are some (hopefully) helpful tips for when someone calls your baby ugly.
When a negative review comes in, let’s take time to:
Pause. Taking time to step away from the jolt and input some good helps me ensure the writer’s heart equilibrium is solid. During this time, I strategically do not engage with social media, reviews, etc. It’s about taking my breath and peace back.
Revisit My Why – remember why I wrote the book. What was my intent, my goal, my ideal audience. This solidifies in my heart, the book beginnings and heart behind why it was written. (this has regularly affirmed for me why the low review stars. They aren’t my audience, the message was never intended for them, or other clarifying elements.)
Truth Time – remind myself that what I write is not for everyone. (even if I feel like it should be) Not everyone likes pineapple on their pizza, choc mint ice cream on bananas, or white chocolate macadamia nut cookies (although for the life of me, I don’t know why. lol) Not everyone is going to connect with my writing style, like the content I write, or even share my opinion. And that’s okay. As I release others to have their view of my work, I can give them grace when their opinions differ from mine.
All Reviews Hold Value – Remind myself that all reviews are valuable. I don’t know whether it’s just me, but I am slightly suspicious of only 5-star reviews. A handful of 1, 2, or 3-star reviews actually help our books to hold more legitimacy. I don’t always trust when a product that has a few negative comments, so why would my book be any different? Their opinions may help readers like them to avoid our books, and hence avoid future low-star reviews. It’s actually holds a lot of value for us, is we are willing to embrace it.
Read, Reflect, and Assess. When I feel robust enough to handle what might have been said, then I will always read, reflect, and assess their review. When doing this, I ask myself a few questions: Is it valid or true? Is there anything I can change about it? Do I want to change it? If I changed it to what they are unhappy with, would it improve my work? What is their review history with other books? What kinds of book have they read in the past? It there any constructive take away I can glean from their words.
Action or Shoop? There comes a time where I need to decide, is there anything I can and want to do with what has been shared?
If I can action something – I do.
If I can’t action anything – It’s time to SHOOP SHOOP it off. (for those who don’t know. to ‘shoop shoop’ something off, is to brush it off your shoulders, to let it go, to release it and revisit it no more. I taught my friends this phrase and we physically brush those things off our shoulders that just don’t add any value. Shoop Shoop!)
If you agree with the reviewer’s comments, is there anything you can, or want to do?
If the negative reviewer hasn’t left any comments, then the answer becomes really clear. Move on. Go write something rich, beautiful and satisfying. Let your words drip with honey and melt like butter in a pan. And remember…
You matter. Your message matters.
And no one else’s review, opinion, or words can take away these truths from you.
I hope this has helped you precious creative one.
Share your experiences or coping strategies for dealing with negative reviews in the comments below. Let’s support each other and build a community of writers who uplift and encourage one another through the highs and lows of the creative journey.
God bless you and yours – keep scribing.
Karen
xxxxx
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